Just Right Tropical by Kellogg's: B+ (87.4%)

Just Right Tropical is like a romantic comedy of cereals. And that is not because the cereal is for chicks but more because it feels light and funny. It's not redefining in any way, rather, it is simply satisfying. And sometimes that is all that we want out of our breakfast cereals. Sometimes we don't want to be blown away- but we merely want to linger in the leisurely warmth of light chuckling.

For example, a line from Hitch:

"Basic principles: no woman wakes up saying, "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say, "This is a really bad time for me," or something like, "I just need some space," or my personal favorite, "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? Because she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is, "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly, "Try harder, stupid." "

That line is kinda like the feeling of a bite out of this cereal.

Cap'n Crunch by Quakers: B (85.0%)

There is always that guy who tries impressing you by talking about all his sexual feats and how he wants to get crunk everyday. He is a "bro." His clothes match and he spends a more-than-healthy time in the gym. The guy has the potential to be cool, but he always leaves you with that uncomfortable feeling that you are slowly losing your soul by listening to him talk.

Cap'n Crunch MIGHT be that guy. The flavor is undoubtedly delicious, but it leaves you thinking that Quaker may have tried a little bit too hard on this one. If I had any advice to the Cap'n: just be yourself.

Frosted Bite-Sized Shredded Wheat by Market Pantry: C+ (75.4%)

Target's endeavor to concoct a cheap, healthy cereal unsurprisingly falls to mediocrity. The base of the flavor, the dry crusty brown stuff AKA shredded wheat, tastes exactly as it sounds- like crusty brown shredded wheat. But the savvy executives of Market Pantry dumped a ton of powder sugar on the crusty stuff, giving it a tolerable flavor.

The name is longer than anything I've ever read in my life, but its taste ends up not quite as bad. In the real world, this cereal is sincerely below "average". Despite that, in today's modern rankings I decided to give this long-named cereal a C, because it gave a good effort and I should be doing homework so I don't care. So today, Frosted Bite-Sized Shredded Wheat, you are average. You are the star that blends into night sky so that some stars might be brilliant.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds by Post: A- (92.8%)

Honey Bunches of Oats never disappoints me. Post's almond version delivers a Bieberish blow that thoroughly satisfies the body and mind.

The taste gives a nice country feel. It is a warm summer day, in the rocking charm, on the porch outside, sitting by the lake, drinking orange juice, smiling at the kids playing in the back lawn, and dancing too. The taste is not overwhelming, yet its presence is still known. Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds receives an A- because it is just shy of pure excellence.

Fruity Pepples by Post: A (93.5%)

Give me my Fruity Pepples;
Take it and cut it out in little stars,
And it will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.- Shakespeare

I would die a thousand times for this speckled eternity of flawless ecstasy. I would die for its colorful vivid visage. I would die for its sweet yet subtle taste upon my pink tongue. I would die for its delicate yet crunchy texture that deluges my senses. Plus a bowl gives me 40% of my daily Vitamin D!

Toasted Oats by Safeway: D+ (69.3%)

Safeway attempts to synonymize Cheerios uniquely delicious composition but only barely passes the test. They get a D+ because although it was not my favorite cereal, I would still eat it if I didn't have any other cereal. Sadly there aren't pictures of this cereal online because it's not very popular. It is actually so unpopular that when I just accidentally spilled the cereal on the floor a moment ago, I didn't have to clean it because it probably isn't popular in the insect's classis either. Just imagine eating cheerios but without the honey-nut thrill, all that is left is indifference.

Welcome to the Website!

Every thug has got to have his lady. Every fawn has to have its deer mother. Every intellectual, self-conscious, and sympathetic person has to have his cereal. This website is for all of you cereal lovers out in this cold dark planet who are trying to simply find their suitable cereal. This website is composed of mere words, but as you read you will unexpectedly realize that what you have found is not just a blase clump of sentences; however, you will find an outlet to knowledge of a world of cereal that will enchant and entice you. Enjoy the seduction.